Who The Hell Needs Opinion Polls? They’re Never Correct Anyway
February 15, 2010
Adam Lovejoy writes: Let’s be creative, let’s ban political opinion polls. And let’s make it a criminal offence to publish surveys during elections campaigns. That would teach all those slimy pollsters, think tanks, TV networks and newspapers that cook up forged statistics to influence the vote. Opinion polls are practically always biased, misleading and incorrect, especially as they never mention where they had been carried out and what sort of people took part. No wonder politicians conduct their own polls to know what the real situation is. Let me give you some examples of how polls have been used in politics to deceive people. Take the last US presidential election campaign: according to opinion polls, Barrack Obama was supposedly solidly leading in the race, with Republican...
Three US Presidents Vow To Restore Poverty Levels In Haiti To Pre-Quake Levels
January 17, 2010
Anton Goryunov writes: The sight of three American presidents, gracing the lawn of the White House yesterday to announce their determination to restore poverty in Haiti to its pre-earthquake levels, was a feast to the eyes of many. There they stood, Presidents Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and George Bush, suppressing their hatred for each other, itching to make things happen. Barack, Bill and George, the Three Amigos, the magnificent trio, the men any decent woman would die to go out with, have lurid sex and then sell her story to the tabloids for millions. The first to speak was President Obama. He read from the prepared script, choosing, rather unusually, to use the typed version and not his usual teleprompters. (The word was that the teleprompters were still in the living quarters of the White...
More Breaking News Items: Inspired By The Earthquake In Haiti
January 16, 2010
Today we present another selection of breaking news items, inspired by the earthquake in Haiti and the farce that is unravelling around the relief effort. Breaking News: The three presidents – Obama, Bush and Clinton – vouch to help the President of Haiti get his palace rebuilt as soon as possible. Breaking News: White House says that President Obama is going to spend all his time helping Haiti. It’s a great distraction from the shit that is happening in the US itself, White House says. Breaking News: George Bush tells the American people that he and his wife Laura has not had a wink of sleep since the earthquake in Haiti. We’ve been drinking hard to sooth the pain, he says. Breaking News: Bill Clinton says every sensible world leader should visit Haiti as soon as possible....
Earthquake Hits Haiti. All The Usual Suspects Jump At This Unique PR Opportunity
January 14, 2010
Dan Majestic: It’s this time again: tiny Haiti is struck by a devastating earthquake, with tens of thousands of people dead and wounded, and all the usual suspects – world leaders, governments, international organisations, aid agencies and charities – are jumping at the chance to use this unique public relations opportunity to promote themselves.US President Barack Obama has already performed his ‘world statesman’ routine yesterday, reading passionately from the prepared script and promising to be ‘resolute’ in helping the Haitian people. Mr Obama had his Vice President Joe Biden standing beside him, for some unknown reason, looking concerned and statesman-like. Most other Western government have quickly announced their deep sorrow for the people of Haiti,...
The Castro Brothers Celebrate 51 Years In The Business. Made Possible By Uncle Sam
January 1, 2010
Dan Majestic writes: The Castro brothers, Fidel and Raul, and their henchmen celebrate the 51st anniversary of the coup that brought them to power today. They call it a ‘revolution’, mind you, and ha thrown a huge bash last year, with a parade and an induced outpouring of love by the Cuban people for their communist leaders included in the festivities.This year it’s a less spectacular occasion, considering that the boss, Fidel, is not fit enough to visit a torture chamber, like he did in the past, or witness a summary execution of members of the opposition in honour of the ‘revolution’. But one thing is certain: the Castro brothers and their cronies will raise a glass to Uncle Sam, as they call the big US of A, for being too busy in the past 51 years looking for enemies...
More Breaking News Items. From The Stirring Trouble Team
January 1, 2010
Today we present a new selection of spoof breaking news items from the files of the Stirring Trouble team.Breaking News: UN Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, reveals that he plans to quit his hell-raising antics in 2010 and get down to serious things, like battling global warming. Breaking News: In her New Year address German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, promised her people a lot of pain and suffering. In order to let bankers and big company execs keep their standards of living high. Breaking News: The Chinese communist leadership predicts that 2010 would be a year of remarkable achievements in China. If no one sees through the dodgy stats. Breaking News: In his New Year message President Obama reveals his intention to get nominated for another Nobel Prize, this time for literature. Breaking News:...
The Delta Terrorist Incident: What Are The Options To Make Air Travel More Unpleasant
December 29, 2009
Dan Majestic writes from America: So, what options are open to US authorities and airlines in the light of the attempted terrorist attack on a Delta passenger plane that was flying from Europe to Detroit?We have already heard from that brave man, US President Barack Obama, who interrupted his holiday to promise increased security on all flights to America from abroad. He also said other things that obviously made every Muslim terrorist think very hard before attempting anything nasty. The US will not rest until all individuals linked to the latest attack would be found, Mr Obama implied. People like Osama Bin Laden can attest to that: the US government does not like to pussyfoot and throw its words to the wind. If it says it’s going to catch someone, it does just that. In some cases,...
Of Climate Economics. And Of The Boomerang Effect Of Financial Aid
December 19, 2009
Dan Majestic reports from Copenhagen: Let me tell you a secret about financial aid to the developing world: it has a tendency to experience the boomerang effect. Money leaves the central banks of Western nations, or the IMF and the World Bank, spends a bit of time in the central banks of the receiving countries, and then ends up on private banks accounts in the West. That is how it worked for decades and that is how it will continue to work in the future. Otherwise it makes no sense to help developing nations. Which brings me to the historic Copenhagen climate conference, where developed countries have promised the developing nations, in a legally unbinding arrangement, that they will give them $30 billion over the next 3 years and raise that figure to $100 billion a year by 2020. So if you...
The Gods Have Spoken: Climate Change Conference Was A Waste Of Time
December 18, 2009
Dan Majestic reports from Copenhagen: I am overwhelmed with emotion as I write this: President Barack Obama has addressed the UN climate conference, in person, live, reading from the prepared text. The speech will definitely make it into the Top 10 of his public addresses. Even if he did not manage to wake up many of the delegates here, who have slept through the whole gathering. But then again, these people have been drinking like mad for the past two weeks, and it got to them. Not to mention the dope and the casual sex, the constant masturbating and the overall pressure of doing pretty much nothing. The repercussions of President Obama’s speech will be felt in the world for hours, if not days. It broke no new ground, but it was a slick, sexy performance and, in a condensed form, the...
More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
December 18, 2009
We present a new selection of hilarious breaking news items. From the Stirring Trouble team. People ask us: are they real breaking news items? And we tell them: of course they are. But add that there is an element of fantasy in them.Breaking News: Iraqi insurgents reveal they were behind the idea to pull-out the US troops from Iraq by hacking into the Pentagon’s computers and giving false orders. Breaking News: Afghan fighters ask Iraqi insurgents to plant some silly battle plans into the US Army computers. Breaking News: Asked if he’s serious about that ‘man-made climate change shit’ US President Barack Obama breaks into hysterical laughter. Breaking News: German Chancellor Angela Merkel tells delegates at the Copenhagen conference that she’s dumped her African boyfriend,...
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Previous posts
- Samantha Cameron Talks Candidly About Her Hubby. And Sort Of Blows The Lid On Him.
- LibDems Pick A Porn Chick As Their Candidate. We Look At Other Options
- Israeli-Palestinian Peace Process? Now What Process Would That Be?
- The Cold War Is Back. But It Not As We Knew It
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team.
- Is There Any Point In Dieting? Nope, None At All
- Winning Hearts And Minds In Afghanistan. Even When They’re Detached From The Bodies
- President Ahmadinejad Reveals Iran’s Official Policy
- A Cynical Look At Life In Britain. And The Stiff Upper Lip
- As The British Press Sells Its Soul To The Devil, We Go Behind The Scenes Of One Newspaper
- From Now On The Met Office Will Express Doubt About Its Own Forecasts
- Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Live Coverage Of The Oscars Proves A Huge Hit. With Dozens Of People
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Mossad Is Thinking Of Going Public. As A Plc
- Who Cares About Elvis Or Who Killed John Kennedy? Aliens Are Running Things Here
- TV Debates Between Party Leaders Will Include Product Placements
- Band Aid: Sir Bob And Friends Do Some Soul Searching
- More Breaking News. From The StirringTrouble Team
- President Zuma: The Man With The Plan
- The New Rich Have No Style, No Class, No Taste. No Anything
- Pearls Of Wisdom: From The Sirring Trouble Team
- About One Pine Tree. And Global Warming Written All Over It
- More Breaking News Items. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- BBC Cuts Costs: It’s Taking The Piss, But Not As We Know It
- A Case Of One Madman Blowing All The Money
- More Breaking News. From The Stirring Trouble Team
- Climate Change Myth Is Causing Panic. Even Among Climate Change Biggest Fans
- Political Correctness Is Dangerous For Your Health, Study Shows
- Binge Drinking: Who Says It Ain’t Cool?
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