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Padded Bikinis For Small Girls? Why Stop There?

R.F.Wilson writes: As a large British retail chain, known for its cutting edge fashion items produced in the best sweat shops of Asia, reluctantly withdraws its line of padded bikinis for girls of 5 years and older – only after being criticised for tempting paedophiles – we ask: why not be bold in experimenting with children’s clothes to let dirty old men have a field day? How about high heel shoes for girls of 5 and sexy looking footwear for babies, who don’t yet walk but can still be seen in their prams, showing off their sexy looking footies. And what about T-shirts for kids with signs that would raise a good hearty chuckle among adults like: ‘Hey there sailor, wanna a blow-job?’ or ‘Virginity’s a drag!’ or ‘See anything you like, handsome?’ And don’t forget thongs... 

It’s A Great Time To Be A Drug Dealer Or A Lowlife Generally. Fashion Wise That Is

R.F.Wilson writes: It’s a great time to be a drug dealer. Or a mugger, or a burglar, or a prostitute. Or a lowlife generally. Fashion wise that is. If you’re a lowlife and you walk into any department store, in practically any country, you’d find everything you need there: weird looking running shoes and sportswear with logos all over them that drug dealers and street gang members like to wear so much. And then there is a wide selection of hooded garments that make life so much easier for muggers and burglars, helping them to avoid getting caught on camera. And don’t forget torn jeans and baggy trousers and shitty looking leather and denim jackets that lowlifes love so much. Choose from a range of disgusting clashing colours of all shapes and sizes. And if you’re a prostitute then... 

Village Idiot Look Is Going To Be Mega Huge This Year, Fashion Experts Say

Dan Majestic writes: The village idiot look is going to be mega huge this year. That was the verdict passed by leading fashion experts, who had gathered for their annual piss up on the eve of London Fashion Week to discuss what’s going to be hot on the catwalks and in the shops in the next couple of seasons. Strong demand for clothes that make people look like degenerates is predicted this spring and summer, dispelling the myth that the village idiot look, or VIL as some in the industry call it, is on its way out. ‘VIL is something that allows people to express themselves fully,’ Juicy Freddy, a self-confessed fashion guru and a drug addict told Stirring Trouble. ‘It has a feel of vibrancy and freedom about it, not to mention that any self-respecting bird or bloke would rather... 

A Passionate Stance On Women’s Shoes

Gren-Hilda Duval de Villeneuve writes: Today, I’m going to tackle a profoundly important and complex subject, that of women’s shoes and the range of conflicting feelings this issue inspires in me. Men’s footwear will have to take a back seat here, as it does not even register a blip on the radar when compared to the abundance, and really quite decadent variety, of women’s shoes.Adam Lovejoy has already expressed his views on this subject (read his piece, Give Women Proper Shoes. Now! posted most recently on 02.11.09. in the Angry Rants section) and while his ideas make complete objective sense – that there are not that many good shoes on offer – subjectively most women might reject them. The reason is women have a complex and almost completely irrational... 

Streets Riots Expected To Hit Britain. We Pose Pressing Questions

With the British government drawing up secret contingency plans to deal with possible mass street riots later this year that are expected to sweep the country as the recession bites deeper we, at StirringTroubleInternationally, pose a pressing question: what do you wear during a season of mass social disorder to blend into the scene? According to information, painstakingly collected by the British intelligence services, the ‘autumn of discontent’ would involve not just the usual troublemakers but many respectable members of the middles class who are hard hit by the crisis and would be tempted to join the protests. What should these people, many of whom would rather be seen dead than not dressed appropriately for the occasion, wear in the spring and summer seasons of mayhem and anarchy... 

Fashion? Who Wants To Look Like A Million Other People Do?

How come people wear hoodies? I’m not talking here about youngsters – you know, ten, eleven, twelve-year-olds, who should be forgiven for wanting to look weird. No, I mean people in their twenties and even thirties who wear hoods. I have seen a hoodie in a supermarket recently and by the looks of him he was about fifty. Imagine, a 50-year-old in a hood! Although, of course, he might have been one of those people who want to stay young all their life. But seriously, what is the appeal of looking like a burst condom? Because hoodies look exactly like that – like damaged means of contraception. And they can stop giving us all that rubbish about them wearing their hoods to protect themselves against the cold. What cold? They wear their stupid things even when it’s warm... 

On Censorship, Charity, The Banking Crisis and Men’s Ties. And Some Deep Thoughts On Music

 Hi, girls and boys. Bibi’s here again. Writing my diary. Writing, writing, writing. For all of you millions of my readers out there who can’t wait for some new deep thoughts from me. I’ll start with a hot political story: about censorship. I have been censored! By my own boss, Mr Nekrassov. I was planning to tell you about London Fashion Week and he told me to ignore it. That’s right, he said that I shouldn’t write anything about London’s biggest fashion gig of the year. He said that considering all the mess in the economy, and people losing their jobs and homes, staging a glitzy catwalk show was like having a feast during a plague, or fiddling while Rome burns. I was very upset. My beautiful piece about the latest fashion trends went into the bin. Tears,... 

As Banks Collapse The Fashion Industry Booms. But Guess Who Gets Paid Mega Bucks?

(By Christopher Lee) Credit crunch? What credit crunch? It’s London Fashion Week. Big bucks are still generated by the fashion industry that uses all the skills and imagination of the people who work in it to stay afloat and get those customers buying new clothes.   What is really interesting this year is the list of London venues for the cat-walk shows. The Royal Academy, the Natural History Museum and, more imaginative than anything else, the crystal palace by the Serpentine lake in Hyde Park that has been erected in just five days by Victoria Walker and the Rouge team for the Royal Parks. Just think about it: there is as much imagination in choosing and preparing the locations as in the fashion designing and cutting rooms. There has to be or the fashion houses will go bust and all... 

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