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Imagine A Live Commentary On The Radio. About People Having Sex

Today we imagine how a live radio commentary about people having sex might sound on the airwaves.   First Commentator (FC): Well, John, the big day has arrived. Freddy has finally found the strength and enthusiasm to satisfy his wife, Lucy, after a relatively uneventful start to their mating season. Second Commentator (SC): Yes, Ben, it hasn’t been a very good start to Freddy’s season. He’s been uninspiring in foreplay and his attacking patterns lacked enthusiasm and determination. FC: Totally agree with you on that, John, and I expect many of Freddy’s fans think exactly the same as you, because they want to hear about some real action in the bedroom, about exciting new moves and positions, and they want to hear about dedication, strength of performance, deep moans... 

What’s All The Fuss With Thierry Henry’s Handball? All Footballers Cheat

R.F.Wilson writes: Pardon me for not joining the indignation brigade that has been busy screaming their heads off, demanding a replay of that supposedly ‘fateful’ World Cup qualifying match between France and Irealnd because Theirry Henry had helped to score the decisive goal in injury time with a skilful hand gesture. And let me also discard the preposterous suggestion that the disputed goal supposedly put the integrity of the beautiful game into doubt. I will start with this: what exactly do they find beautiful in the game? The beauty has all but gone a long time ago, especially from the international matches. National teams now consist of overpaid players, who have multi-million contract obligations with their clubs and sponsors that overshadow any other commitments. Let me... 

Sven-Goran Eriksson Takes On A New Challenge. It’s Got Nothing To Do With Money

Alex Nekrassov writes: Claiming your are moving to a new football (soccer – for our American readers) club purely out of altruism has become a popular trend this summer. Several huge names in English Premiership football have done it, saying that money was of no interest to them and that it was the challenge they found exciting. Their increased salaries, we were assured, played no part in their transfers.But brace yourselves, readers of StirringTroubleInternationally: former England, Mexico, Lazio and Manchester City manager, a sex god with a receding hairline, Sven-Goran Eriksson, will join Notts County, a team in the lower tier (League 2), as director of football, because he likes the challenge. Notts County, which had finished a disappointing 19th last season, is obviously destined... 

Wining In Football: It Is All In The Mind Really

Alex Nekrassov jnr writes: We can all agree that the manager of newly promoted Premiership football team, Wolverhampton Wanderers, or Wolves, Mick McCarthy will never be able to compete with Manchester United’s Sir Alex Ferguson. With the varying definitions of managerial success comes the different levels of resources and budget at each manager’s disposal. For a team like Wolves, an outlay of around £5 million on a single player would be considered a risk. Manchester United, on the other hand, can afford to make a £25 million + acquisition of a single player every season, and not worry too much about their financial position.The reality is though that whatever the sum paid for a player, a manager’s job is ultimately to bring out the best in them, and to make sure that the... 

Is Real Madrid Becoming Its Own Worst Enemy?

Alex Nekrassov jnr writes: Just when Manchester United had lost the world’s best player, Cristiano Ronaldo, to Real Madrid, it appears that the man they had in mind to plug the gap left by the Portuguese winger, France international and Lyon striker, Karim Benzema, is about to join the Spaniards in a deal worth at least £30m.Just to remind you, Real Madrid have broken football’s world transfer records twice in the same summer: first they signed Brazilian playmaker, Kaka, from AC Milan for a not so measly £55m and, within a week, broke the very same record they set by signing Man United’s Ronaldo for £80m. Together, by plucking him right from under the noses of Manchester United, Benzema’s signing along with various ’smaller’ additions, including the central... 

We Said It Before And We’ll Say It Again: Big Money Undermines Football

Sometimes I am really impressed by the cunningness of some sport scribblers, who come up with the most ridiculous of arguments to defend the money men blowing their ‘hard earned’ millions on buying players for the football clubs in the English Premiership that they own.Before the absurd deal, initiated by Manchester City to buy midfielder, Kaka, from AC Milan for more than £100 million, had collapsed, one of the sport commentators in a leading British newspaper came up with an absolutely remarkable explanation why it actually made sense to pay obscene amounts for players and reward them with astronomical wages. How come, he enquired, people were not bothered with Paul McCartney earning £40 million a year? They still bought his records and were eager to see him at his concerts, he... 

As The Football Transfer Window Opens Again, We Say: The Beautifull Game Is All But Finished

As the football transfer window opens once again – it has opened on December 31 – let me tell you why the beautifull game is all but finished. It began to lose its excitement when top clubs decided that the way to win trophies was to buy as many foreign players as they could afford. And with silly money coming into football premier and first leagues in the 1990s most of them quickly turned into huge corporations, existing solely to enrich the clubs’ directors, owners and overrated players. There was nothing more to the ‘foreign invasion’ of football clubs. It had nothing to do with improving the game itself or making it more exciting. The whole point of professional football was for the clubs to select talented youngsters, locally or nationally, train and nurture... 

All Is Not Well In The Kingdom Of English Premiership Football. And It’s All About Money

Alex Nekrassov writes: It took Jorgan Klinsmann, the former star of German and English football and former manager of the German national team, to actually say what many people have been thinking: that the fate of the English Premiership was hanging in the balance as the world financial crisis wiped out vast personal fortunes and left the once mighty sponsors of football struggling for their survival. Klinsmann said that he anticipated leading English clubs, Chelsea and Liverpool, in particular, taking hits as a result of this financial meltdown. He also hinted that the whole of the Premiership would be going through a dramatic transformation, having to cope with a combined debt of around £3 billion. While Klinsmann did not go as far as saying that Chelsea and Liverpool would collapse, his... 

European Championship Semi Finals: Nothing To Cheer About

So what was so great about the first leg semi-final matches of the European Championship between Liverpool and Chelsea and Barcelona and Manchester United? Where was all that excitement and tension that we’ve been promised during the build up? Considering that these are top European teams with some of the highest paid players in the world the spectacle in both cases was, quite frankly, pathetic. Let’s look at the first semi-final match at Anfield with its 1:1 result. To listen to all those football commentators before the game we were all in for a big treat. Liverpool was supposed be in top form and Chelsea players were allegedly roaring to show what they were made off. Well, guess what? It was a disappointment. The first goal by Dirk Kuyt was scruffy, to say the least, and was... 

Football Referees: They Are The Ones To Watch

So, Arsenal was kicked out of the Champions League by Liverpool and in both matches of the quarter final the Reds got a vital referee’s decision in their favour that eventually sealed the result: when playing away, they avoided being given an obvious penalty and when they played at home they were awarded one which wasn’t really a penalty. In fact, in the first match at the Emirates Stadium the ref was about five yards from the spot where Liverpool’s Kuyt (sorry, don’t know his first name) brought Arsenal’s Niklas Bendtner down in the penalty area. He, the ref that is, could see the foul in all its glory. And yet, he didn’t hesitate, even for a moment, and awarded a corner. Now why would that be? Was he blinded by all that flash photography by any chance or... 

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