More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

November 7, 2011

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

Today we present more humorous pearls of wisdom and witty observations from the boys at Stirring Trouble. On all sorts of subjects, mostly politics and sex. So, Plato was right when he said that every democracy eventually turns into a tyranny. Twenty years ago none of the current political leaders in the West would have made it to the top due to their incompetence. Twenty years from now it would be even worse. Now that another G20 summit ended in nothing why not ban them altogether. Let America and China decide everything on their own. Don’t you just love the way the free media is careful about covering post-Gaddafi Libya. It’s back to the bad old days basically, but hacks keep quiet about it. Colonel Gaddafi stands accused of giving the West the wrong idea about wars being easy. Now all... 

The G20 Summit: They Could Have Done It Over The Phone Really

November 3, 2011

The G20 Summit: They Could Have Done It Over The Phone Really

Adam Lovejoy writes from Cannes: Fancy that: little old Greece is holding the whole world by the balls, if you pardon the strong language here. Who could have thought it would happen one day, eh? As the G20 leaders gather in Cannes for their regular bash, all eyes are not on them but on the Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou, who has created a storm by announcing a referendum on the EU bail-out package that Greece is currently receiving, with an additional €120 billion agreed only last week and a promise of a write-off of 50 per cent of the sovereign debt thrown in. And just when French President Nicolas Sarkozy was thinking that he was going to use the G20 gathering to launch his presidential election campaign, in the glare of the world media, Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou spoiled... 

Ring-Fencing Debt In The Eurozone. Miles And Miles Of Fencing Would Be Needed

September 27, 2011

Ring-Fencing Debt In The Eurozone. Miles And Miles Of Fencing Would Be Needed

Daria Sharapova writes from Washington: Trust finance ministers of the G20 group to gather in Washington and agree a plan to rescue the countries of the eurozone, leaking it to journalists as if they didn’t dare announce it properly. That’s what happens when men call the shots and play with secrecy. It’s a rescue plan that supposedly contains only three points, which sounds suspiciously simplistic because you would expect a plan like that to be on a hundred pages or even more. The main idea behind the plan, as far as I understood it, is to increase the eurozone’s bail-out fund to some astronomical levels – some say it would be two or even three trillion euros – and using that money ring fence Greece, Portugal and Ireland, to prevent the debt crisis spreading. No one was prepared... 

How Come Politicians Have No Sense Of Humour?

September 20, 2011

How Come Politicians Have No Sense Of Humour?

Ted Obvious writes from Rome: How come politicians have no sense of humour? They never say anything that is even remotely amusing or funny, looking stern and serious all the time, reading from the text in front of them and stating the bleeding obvious with conviction. But where is the entertaining part, I ask. Where is the wit and humour, especially considering that these people have dozens of speech-writers and aides and spin doctors, who are all supposedly very good at communications and public relations and bringing a message across to the masses. The masses are tired of their politicians, who say boring things all the time. As voters and taxpayers, they have bought their tickets to the politics show and are entitled to have some fun watching it. People with no sense of humour should not... 

Imagining A Beauty Contest Among The G20 World Leaders And Who Would Win It

August 24, 2011

Imagining A Beauty Contest Among The G20 World Leaders And Who Would Win It

Ben Delicious writes from London: Imagine if there would be a beauty contest held among world leaders who hang out at G20 summits, who do you think would win? Well, I suppose one of the strongest contenders for the title of Mr G20 would be Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. Standing at an impressive 5″3, he’s basically much more handsome than anybody else on the current circuit. Sure, his head looks a bit big for his body, but it’s a finely shaped head, with no traces of impending baldness. Mr Medvedev is miles better looking than US President Barack Obama, oozing charisma, sex appeal and a touch of nuttiness that makes any politician look exotic and unapproachable. Not to mention that his fixed sheepish smile knocks women dead, as his aides and advisors confirm to anyone who... 

Time For Politicians To Follow Mick Hucknall’s Example. And Apologise To All The People They’ve Screwed

December 21, 2010

Time For Politicians To Follow Mick Hucknall’s Example. And Apologise To All The People They’ve Screwed

Ben Delicious writes from London: If you by any chance missed the big story a couple of weeks ago about Mick Hucknall of Simply Read apologising to the women he had slept with, then you’re obviously not following the news properly and, what is even more disturbing, don’t read Stirring Trouble religiously like you should. Anyway, the fact of the matter is that in a moment of humility Mick had confessed to have f..ked around 1000 groupies in the short space of 3 years back in the 1980s, and he felt he owed it to them to say ‘sorry’ for all that penetrational sex. He didn’t mention any names, but pointed out that the women concerned would know who he was talking about. Now, I’m not going to judge Mick: he felt like apologising to the women he was bonking and he did. But what I think... 

Why Do World Leaders Go On Trips Abroad? For The Presents, The Booze And The Food, Naturally

November 6, 2010

Why Do World Leaders Go On Trips Abroad? For The Presents, The Booze And The Food, Naturally

Adam Lovejoy reports from New Delhi: Are you one of those people who think that world leaders go on foreign trips to discuss serious things with other world leaders and sign crucial agreements and generally promote their countries? Is that what you think? Well, that means you know nothing about politics. The thing is, they’re in it for the good time. They travel abroad for the freebies, the food, the wine and the presents, and to promote themselves as world statesmen, who are not afraid to leave their cosy offices where their aides and advisors tell them how great they are, and venture out into the unknown to promote trade and develop relations with other countries. That is what President Obama would be supposedly doing during his current trip to Asia, promote trade and cooperation, while... 

More Breaking News. From the Stirring Trouble Team

October 18, 2010

More Breaking News. From the Stirring Trouble Team

Today we present more breaking news items. from the Stirring Trouble team. Breaking News: At the next G20 summit in South Korea world leaders will be comparing their private banks accounts. And having a laugh about the economic crisis. Breaking News: FIFA President Sep Blatter says he’s appalled by reports two of his people asked for $500,000 in return for votes. Five hundred grand for a vote is peanuts, he says. My boys are giving us all a bad name. Breaking News: Following total lack of interest in the Commonwealth Games the Indian government runs repeats of it in cinemas to boost the attendance numbers. Breaking News: All major TV news channels admit they’re at a loss what to show now that the Chilean miners rescue is over. Breaking News: Chilean President Sebastian Pinera tells Prime... 

Scrapping The G8 And G20. And Letting The US And China Do Their Thing

October 13, 2010

Scrapping The G8 And G20. And Letting The US And China Do Their Thing

Anton Goryunov writes from Moscow: As another useless G20 summit approaches – this time it will take place in South Korea – here’s a radical suggestion: why not scrap both the G8 and the G20 groups of nations that gather regularly for no apparent reason and decide absolutely nothing. Instead, the G2 group could replace them and include the United States and China, the two supposedly biggest players in the world. You’re probably wondering: what would be the advantages of such an arrangement? Well, first of all, the G2 meetings would be held only in America and China and that, in turn, would mean that other countries would no longer have to cope with influxes of world leaders, with their huge entourages, and there’d be no need to spend vast amounts of money on hosting... 

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team

July 3, 2010

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Stirring Trouble Team

Today we present more pearls of wisdom. From the team at Stirring Trouble. Reporting news is the easy bit. Explaining what’s behind the news is the tough part. If there was a 24-hour satirical TV news channel it would probably have the biggest audiences. Politics needs to be ridiculed constantly. Boredom can push people to extremes. Like sharing their views with the rest of the world Canada blew $1 billion on security at G8 and G20 summits. Why couldn’t it simply pretend to provide security? No one would have noticed anyway. Even if there’s only one in a thousand chance that God exists doesn’t it make sense not to piss off the Big Guy? All this technological progress sucks. Scientists are busy inventing automated arse wipers while they can’t produce a decent electric... 

Next Page »