Treating Their People As Idiots Is The Latest Craze Among Politicians In Europe

November 27, 2011

Treating Their People As Idiots Is The Latest Craze Among Politicians In Europe

Thomas Mathew writes from Rome: Yes, folks, it’s the latest craze to hit Europe this year: politicians, both elected and unelected, treating their people as total idiots. German Chancellor Angela Merkel does it, French President Nicolas Sarkozy does it and all the unelected lot in Brussels does it as well. No holds barred bulls..t is used and massaged stats are produced with remarkable consistency. Useless summits are held and meaningless documents are approved, to show to everyone that tough decisions are taken by politicians and national interests are supposedly fiercely defended. And if you’re one of those, who have fallen for this shameful farce, then you should take a moment, squeeze your genitals really hard and get a grip on yourself. This whole Eurozone debt crisis is about bankers... 

Talking Candidly. In Perfect French And Perfect American-English

November 9, 2011

Talking Candidly. In Perfect French And Perfect American-English

Christopher Lee writes: The French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, thinks the Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, is a ‘liar’. Says how? Well, according to the international media, including the French website Arret sur Images, it was said at the G20 summit. They all heard Sarkozy say so during a backroom aside to US President Barack Obama. Allegedly the conversation went something like this: Sarkozy, in perfect French: ‘I can’t stand him anymore, he’s a liar.’ Obama, in perfect American-English: ‘You may be sick of him, but me, I have to deal with him every day.’ Firstly, the embarrassment: how is it that the G20 media department allowed the strongly excitable hacks to plug into the Sarkozy/Obama microphones while the two leaders were still waiting to go onto the... 

Let Me Tell You Something About Politicians: They Don’t Really Do Anything

November 8, 2011

Let Me Tell You Something About Politicians: They Don’t Really Do Anything

Ben Delicious writes from Paris: Let me tell something about politicians: the moment they get into power they roll their sleeves down not up, enjoying the perks of office, until the bell tolls and it’s time to fight another election. Yes, campaigns leading to general elections are the only periods in the lives of political leaders when they are actually forced to do something. The rest of the time they just chill out with their cabinet chums, attend useless summits, like that G20 gathering in Cannes, where they have a good time or come up with cheap stunts to fool everyone into thinking that they are busy dealing with affairs of the state. Take France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy, a man who has wasted more than four years of his first term, massaging his vanity and other parts as well. He’s... 

Berlusconi Needs To Do Something Drastic. Like Keep Two Sets Of Books Or Something

November 8, 2011

Berlusconi Needs To Do Something Drastic. Like Keep Two Sets Of Books Or Something

Martin McCauley writs from Rome: A new group has emerged to rule Europe: le Groupe de Francfort (GdF). It includes German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and IMF boss Christine Lagarde. This troika told the Greeks that unless they formed a unity government, no more EU money would come their way. The Greeks are at it at the moment, even though the inevitable default will follow. The GdF can then expel Greece from the euro and concentrate its efforts elsewhere, like on Italy, for example. Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi swanned around the recent G20 summit, claiming that Italy’s economy was doing fine because the ‘eateries were full’. He forgot to mention that they were mostly filled with the homeless, ejected from their dwellings for failing to pay the rent... 

Summit On Libya A Resounding Success. Any Mention Of Oil Avoided

September 2, 2011

Summit On Libya A Resounding Success. Any Mention Of Oil Avoided

Thomas Mathew writes from Paris: The summit on Libya in the French capital, hosted by Stursky and Hutch of world diplomacy, President Nicolas Sarkozy and Prime Minister David Cameron, has been pronounced a resounding success, with not a single mention of oil or gas or gold made. Representatives of 60 countries and international organisations have given their thumbs up to the new dawn of democracy and freedom in Libya, helped greatly by the continued NATO bombing of several cities, where pockets of some innocent civilians refuse to accept the advantages of having a new dynamic government in place that calls itself the National Transitional Council. Prime Minister Cameron demonstrated to the world that he was no pussy, telling the hushed audience that NATO would continue to bomb Libya ‘as long... 

Has Gaddafi Lost It Completely, Along With Dave, Nic And The Rest Of The Gang?

June 13, 2011

Has Gaddafi Lost It Completely, Along With Dave, Nic And The Rest Of The Gang?

Ted Obvious writes from Tripoli: As Colonel Gaddafi is shown on Libyan state TV, playing chess with the president of the International Chess Federation Kirsan Ilyumzhinov while bombs are falling all around him, the question that everyone’s asking is this: has the tyrant lost it completely, along with Dave Cameron, Nic Sarkozy and the rest of the gang, or could it be that he’s just pretending to be mad, safe in the knowledge that no one would ever guess that he was filmed in his brand spanking new hideout in Switzerland? Confused, bewildered? Good, that was the whole point. But let’s proceed. In the past couple of weeks news footage released in Tripoli has been showing Colonel Gaddafi supposedly braving the bombings and talking absolute bollocks about his desire to die a martyr... 

You Know What? Bush And Blair Would Look Great Beside Mladic In The Hague

June 1, 2011

You Know What? Bush And Blair Would Look Great Beside Mladic In The Hague

Ted Obvious writes from Tripoli: You know what I think? I think George Bush and Tony Blair would look great beside Ratko Mladic in the International Criminal Court in the Hague, sitting there on one bench, listening to the prosecution giving details of their respective war crimes. Yes, it would be great entertainment for the masses and a good lesson for current and future political leaders, who might get silly ideas and start wars against other nations – on false pretences. Mind you, the way things are going in Libya, I wouldn’t be surprised if Prime Minister David Cameron and French President Nicolas Sarkozy might adorn that bench in the Hague as well at some point. Because the so-called ‘no-fly zone’ that they have conjured up to supposedly protect innocent civilians in Libya... 

Another G8 Summit Opens. What A Waste Of Time And Money!

May 26, 2011

Another G8 Summit Opens. What A Waste Of Time And Money!

Ted Obvious writes from Deauville: Another useless G8 summit has opened in France. Apart from massaging the vanity of the eight world leaders and providing countless government officials and hacks with something to do and report about, the G8 serves absolutely no purpose. Especially as the outdated format does not include some of the top players in the world, like China, India and Brazil, and as such isn’t really worth the taxpayers’ money that is spent on it. Yes, it’s always handy to remember that taxpayers foot the bill for all that security and lavish entertainment provided for the vast armies of officials, including the top dogs obviously, who have nothing else better to do than get together to play the parts of world statesmen and sample some good food and booze, while problems... 

How Do Politicians Fool Their People With Such Ease? Like With This No-Fly Zone Over Libya Stunt?

March 20, 2011

How Do Politicians Fool Their People With Such Ease? Like With This No-Fly Zone Over Libya Stunt?

Ted Obvious writes from Paris: As the war in Libya starts in earnest, the big question is: how do politicians manage to fool their people with such ease? The war, they said as they gathered in Paris for their summit, was needed to ‘save civilian lives’ in Libya. How come everyone bought this rubbish? Just look at what David Cameron and Nicolas Sarkozy have been saying during the build up to the vote in the UN Security Council – in a condensed form: unconfirmed reports tell us that the Gaddafi regime is killing people indiscriminately. We have no proof to confirm these claims, but we still treat them seriously. We can’t just watch as innocent civilians die in Libya. We can watch as they die in other countries in the region, but not in Libya. We don’t know what would happen once... 

As ‘Dwarfgate’ Hits Britain, We Ask: Is The World Run By Shorties?

March 15, 2010

As ‘Dwarfgate’ Hits Britain, We Ask: Is The World Run By Shorties?

Dan Majestic writes: As the scandal dubbed ‘dwarfgate’ engulfs British and French politics, we ask: is the world run by shorties? But before I dwell on the subject, let me first run you through ‘dwarfgate’. It was sparked by a comment made during a recent meeting in London between Conservative leader, David Cameron, and the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, with the former implying that the latter was ‘a f..king dwarf’. The French leader, who is known to be very touchy about his height, didn’t say anything at the time, but on return to his beloved Paris, he let his feeling known to his ministers, all shorties, and members of his staff, all vertically challenged. At some point, as sources in Paris say, the French were even considering breaking off diplomatic relations with... 

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