Fancy That! Sepp Blatter Got The Secret World Government To Help Him Out

June 2, 2011

Fancy That! Sepp Blatter Got The Secret World Government To Help Him Out

Adam Lovejoy writes from Zurich: Well fancy that! Sepp Blatter, the newly re-elected president of Fifa, the world football’s governing body, has picked himself a member of the secret world government, former US Secretary of State Henri Kissinger, to help him run things in his organisation. Say what you want about good old Sepp, but he has shown his critics that the time for pussyfooting and half-measures in battling corruption in Fifa is over. Mr Kissinger is just what international football needs: influential, well connected, indifferent to the beautiful game, probably ignorant of its basic rule, but in good shape for his 88 years and, most importantly, a distinguished member of the secret world government for several decades. The English Football Association must be fuming. Imagine, there... 

No Point Telling You That Lady Gaga Sucks. So I’ll Have A Go At Sepp Blatter Instead

May 28, 2011

No Point Telling You That Lady Gaga Sucks. So I’ll Have A Go At Sepp Blatter Instead

Adam Lovejoy writes from Zurich: I’m not going to waste my time, people, telling you that Lady Gaga sucks, as there are way too many simple minded ‘music lovers’ out there who’d still be buying her albums and, what is even more depressing, actually listening to them. I’ll say this though: you really have to be crap at singing to wear a dress made out of raw meat – and generally come across as a fashion retard. But hey, today I’m directing my satire at Sepp Blatter, world football’s governing body Fifa president, who now finds himself in a bit of a crisis, having been targeted for corruption by his own people. Is that weird or what? Could Lady Gaga have ever written a song about it? In your dreams! She sings about her crotch most of the time. Anyway, Sepp is probably paying... 

Of Football Games. Outside The Pitch

April 29, 2011

Of Football Games. Outside The Pitch

Ben Delicious writes from Zurich: Sorry to disappoint some of you football fans out there, but I suppose the beautiful game is probably the most corrupt sport of them all. In its professional capacity that is. I don’t even know which other sport can compete with football, apart maybe from athletics where it has become impossible to set world records without using some sort of dodgy performance enhancing substances. But that is the sort of corruption that doesn’t really bother all that many people, as you really have to be thick to imagine that world records in, say in 100 meters, are broken by athletes who train hard and stick to a rigid diet. Anyway, back to football, and Fifa’s president Sepp Blatter is bracing himself for a challenge on July 1,when he stands for re-election for a fourth... 

Cynical Glance At World Events: Of Surprised Expressions, Penis Sizes And Failure Of The Multikulti

October 19, 2010

Cynical Glance At World Events: Of Surprised Expressions, Penis Sizes And Failure Of The Multikulti

Dan Majestic and Ben Delicious report from all over the place: If there was an award for the best imitation of a surprised look for 2010 it would undoubtedly go to FIFA’s President, Sepp Blatter, who, on hearing that two members of his executive committee have been caught demanding money for their votes in deciding who’d host the 2018 World Cup, expressed shock and total amazement. Still keeping his surprised expression intact, Mr Blatter said that the scandal would have a very negative impact of FIFA and promised to conduct an in-depth internal investigation. The two people in question, Amos Adamu, from Nigeria, a country with a long tradition of not giving and taking bribes, and Reynald Temarii, of Tahiti, that proud nation that is famous for its football excellence, have been gloriously...