Some Fancy Analysis Of What Went On At The EU Summit In Brussels

December 10, 2011

Some Fancy Analysis Of What Went On At The EU Summit In Brussels

Ted Obvious reports from Brussels: So how was that EU summit for you, the one that ended in nothing yesterday? Gripping stuff, eh, especially if you were listening to the news coverage without the sound on. A tense stand-off had erupted at the summit between Britain and the rest, if you believe what hacks have been reporting, with France and Germany managing in the end to get everyone to agree to some stupid new arrangement that would supposedly sort out the current debt crisis in the eurozone, apart from Britain that is. Everyone knows that it won’t work, but no one dares to say it not to upset Chancellor Angela Merkel, who looked ravishing that day in her purple suit and a bit of jewellery for a change. It was a waste of time, of course. They could have just as well discussed everything... 

Trying To Make Sense Out Of The Eurozone Crisis. And Failing

December 9, 2011

Trying To Make Sense Out Of The Eurozone Crisis. And Failing

Martin McCauley writes from Brussels: The latest make or break summit on the euro has taken place in the Belgian capital. For the umpteenth time. Europe’s leaders seem to be perpetual tourists these days, getting together in Brussels for some good time every other couple of weeks or so. The net result of the latest gathering? Zero, as regards solving the Eurozone debt crisis. Although Germany and France, along with the EU top brass, did manage to persuade 26 out of the 27 members – minus good old Britain – to agree to draft a new treaty that would allow Germany to run everybody’s finances. What was the point of the two big wars in the last centuries if Germany could take over Europe without a shot being fired? But let’s try and bring at least some clarity to the proceedings regarding... 

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

December 8, 2011

More Pearls Of Wisdom. From The Boys At Stirring Trouble

Today we present more humorous pearls of wisdom and witty observations from the boys at Stirring Trouble. On all sorts of subjects, mostly politics, banking and sex. By the looks of things Prime Minister David Cameron will succumb to Angela Merkel’s charms and sell Britain down the river at the EU summit in Brussels. If the EU leaders really wanted to sort out the Eurozone debt crisis they would have stopped getting together at summits and did everything over the phone. Payday loan online companies charge more in interest than drug dealers. They should be banned. Don’t ever drink too much at office parties. You’re bound to say or do something that you might regret. It’s absurd that in our civilised times we have Darwin’s evolution taught in schools as science. Why... 

The G20 Summit: They Could Have Done It Over The Phone Really

November 3, 2011

The G20 Summit: They Could Have Done It Over The Phone Really

Adam Lovejoy writes from Cannes: Fancy that: little old Greece is holding the whole world by the balls, if you pardon the strong language here. Who could have thought it would happen one day, eh? As the G20 leaders gather in Cannes for their regular bash, all eyes are not on them but on the Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou, who has created a storm by announcing a referendum on the EU bail-out package that Greece is currently receiving, with an additional €120 billion agreed only last week and a promise of a write-off of 50 per cent of the sovereign debt thrown in. And just when French President Nicolas Sarkozy was thinking that he was going to use the G20 gathering to launch his presidential election campaign, in the glare of the world media, Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou spoiled... 

A Sequel To Alice In Wonderland Is Here. It’s Called Angela In Euroland

October 28, 2011

A Sequel To Alice In Wonderland Is Here. It’s Called Angela In Euroland

Thomas Mathew writes from London: That last Euro summit that has supposedly brought us the solution to the debt crisis raging in the eurozone smacked of Alice In Wonderland so much that if Lewis Carroll was still alive, he might have written a sequel, without having to invent anything at all, calling it Angela In Euroland. Most of the main characters are there and the overall fantasy mixed with stupidity and arrogance – something that made Carrol’s book so appealing – has been manifesting itself all over the place. Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, would obviously be Alice, but an older, meaner version with a taste for badly tailored suits, and Nicolas Sarkozy, the French President, would fit the role of the White Rabbit perfectly. The King and Queen would obviously be European... 

More Details Of The Spat Between David Cameron And Nicolas Sarkozy Emerge

October 28, 2011

More Details Of The Spat Between David Cameron And Nicolas Sarkozy Emerge

Anton Goryunov writes from Brussels: New dramatic details of a spat between Prime Minister David Cameron and President Nicolas Sarkozy during a summit in Brussels last Sunday have emerged. The incident occurred when Mr Cameron insisted that all the 27 members of the EU, including the 10 that are outside the euro, should be discussing the eurozone debt crisis and Mr Sarkozy said to that that he can should take a hike. In fact, according to sources, who have witnessed the whole incident, the drama included some pretty serious exchange of necessities, with both men getting personal, making remarks about each others spouses. Here is the exchange, as has been provided to Stirring Trouble by a corrupt EU official, who was present at the scene. David Cameron (DC: Nicolas, I’d really appreciate if... 

It’s Party Time At The EU. Smug Euroleaders Say They’ve Cracked The Debt Crisis

October 27, 2011

It’s Party Time At The EU. Smug Euroleaders Say They’ve Cracked The Debt Crisis

R.F.Wilson writes from Brussels: It’s one big party at the European Union. The EU leaders, who have spent ten long hours around the dinner table yesterday and today, stuffing themselves with caviar and drinking fine French wines, finally came up with a plan to sort out the Eurodebt crisis and save the single currency. No more uncertainty and panic on the markets, no more accusations that European politicians do nothing but talk bollocks. We’ve cracked it, Chancellor Angela Merkel told journalists on behalf of other smug looking leaders, some of whom were too drunk to talk or stand firmly on their own feet, propped up by passers-by. In case you’re interested what actually happened, here are some of the main points of the plan, with sarcastic comments included, so that you don’t get an... 

The EU Turns To Black Magic To Save The Euro

October 24, 2011

The EU Turns To Black Magic To Save The Euro

Ben Delicious writes from Brussels: You might not know this, but over the past weekend the European Union’s politicians were dabbling in some serious black magic, trying their best to save the Eurozone from sinking under the burden of the debt crisis. On Saturday, it was the turn of the EU finance ministers to do their devil’s dance, dressed up as wizards and witches and other ghouls, each holding a copy of one of those terrible Harry Potter books that have become required reading among the bureaucrats in Brussels. Each of the ministers performed his dance, sprinkling his supposedly unique magic potion over the Greek accounts, laid out on the tables, hoping that it would be enough to sort out the mess in them. Then the whole lot took out the voodoo dolls of leaders of the BRICS nations... 

A Useless ‘Summit’ Of Big Energy Providers At Number 10: How Very Tony Blair

October 19, 2011

A Useless ‘Summit’ Of Big Energy Providers At Number 10: How Very Tony Blair

Thomas Mathew writes from London: Another day brings another cheap stunt to get some good headlines: Prime Minister David Cameron hosts a ‘summit’ of the biggest six energy providers at 10 Downing Street, to supposedly discuss ways of bringing down prices on gas and electricity at a time when millions of families are struggling to pay their heating bills. How very Tony Blair! Instead of telling the greedy bastards to cut their profit margins or else, Mr Cameron opted for a high profile discussion with them, to supposedly work out ways of bringing those gas and electricity bills down, as if he’s unaware that the energy providers have conspired in setting their prices as high as possible, having increased them recently by four times more than the official inflation rate. It seems PM Cameron... 

Summit On Libya A Resounding Success. Any Mention Of Oil Avoided

September 2, 2011

Summit On Libya A Resounding Success. Any Mention Of Oil Avoided

Thomas Mathew writes from Paris: The summit on Libya in the French capital, hosted by Stursky and Hutch of world diplomacy, President Nicolas Sarkozy and Prime Minister David Cameron, has been pronounced a resounding success, with not a single mention of oil or gas or gold made. Representatives of 60 countries and international organisations have given their thumbs up to the new dawn of democracy and freedom in Libya, helped greatly by the continued NATO bombing of several cities, where pockets of some innocent civilians refuse to accept the advantages of having a new dynamic government in place that calls itself the National Transitional Council. Prime Minister Cameron demonstrated to the world that he was no pussy, telling the hushed audience that NATO would continue to bomb Libya ‘as long... 

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